Something is wrong with me. help.

In November of 2023 I had sex for the first time (penetrative and oral)

In December of 2023, I experiences my first outbreak, and was diagnosed GHSV-1. I suspect my partner has asymptomatic OHSV-1.

By January, I have come to terms with everything, I ignore the stigma and ny previous partner and I continue seeing each other, I am happy again, I am past the feelings of despair, fear, sadness, that came with the diagnosis.... until

I was finally ready to have sex again, I went to see him a few times and was ready to be intimate. when the topic of sex came up, I shut down, extreme anxiety, tears in my eyes. he was incredibly understanding. this happened 2 or 3 times

Finally I was actually ready... but when we initiated sex... (there was foreplay, I was ready so I know its not that I was dry or something)... the pain and discomfort was unbearable, it felt kind of like a burning or stinging pain, basically, it feels like im 10x tighter than I was before, and it didnt even feel like that before my OB with me being a virgin. and so we couldnt have sex. this happened twice. I cried both times from just... sadness.

I feel like theres something wrong with me. I looked into vaginismus, and I think thatd a likely explanation. the only other thing I can think of is that since I had 2 blisters on the opening of my vagina that it is still sore and healing? but its been over a month and a half since my OB so shouldnt I be healed? there is no physical signs of anything wrong on my vaginal opening.

I want to cry, I want to have passionate intimacy, this isnt just me going "boohoo i cant have sex" I know sex in the grand scheme of things is not important. but it feels important right now, I only got to experience it once. I enjoyed it, now I fear I may never be able to enjoy it again. Its not just about sex feeling good, its about it being an extremely intimate act, I am a sucker for love and passion, and sex is one of the most loving and passionate things you can experience. I feel ruined.