If you don't disclose then you are morally bankrupt

I have had HSV for 12 years. In that time I have had 17 partners not including my husband. I have been married for 7 years as well. I have told every single person I slept with that I had herpes. I was rejected a lot on dating apps once I disclosed but I did it anyway because of informed consent.

A person cannot fully consent to sex with you if you willingly withhold pertinent information that can effect their sexual health. If you actually did the right thing and told that person will they still want to have sex with you? The answer to that question can only be answered by the person you are having sex with. Unfortunately for them your concealment removes that choice from them. Gaining sexual satisfaction through deceptive practices all because you are afraid of rejection is manipulative, immature, selfish, and borderline sociopathic. In no way, shape, or form is it ever ok to look someone in the eye, smile, expose them to an incurable illness and then come here to justify your behavior. I understand mistakes happen. Too much alcohol and a slip happens but that is when you take accountability, clean up your mess, and you tell them.

If you are at a point where you are so afraid of rejection that you don't want to disclose then you should not be having sex by deceiving others. Instead, focus on how you can cope with your illness and learn to have the necessary conversations needed to move forward. It all boils down to your own mental health and self esteem. When I was rejected I reverted my disappointment back to the disease, instead of myself, and moved forward. I went to therapy, worked on myself, and owned my situation.

Hiding your disease isn't the answer and instead increases stigma. Once I started gaining confidence I was able to move forward and have great sex with others who didn't mind. I then met my husband who was STD free and he hasn't cared. It is a long, hard road to do the right thing. I sleep like a baby at night because I NEVER mislead or deceived anyone while dating with herpes. I have never had to sit up at night wondering if I passed it to the guy I hid it from or feeling a pit of dread in my stomach. I was my 100% self through and through which allowed me to be rewarded with a husband and family that I adore.

If you are not disclosing then you are morally bankrupt.