How do I accept I'm going to die alone

I turned 26 yesterday and I have never been in a relationship. Hell, I can count the times I've spoken to women on one hand. I've been homeschooled age 10 to 18, made 0 friends, had social anxiety which I had to overcome myself. Made some friends in uni but that's it.

I'm usually myself when with said friends but when it's a stranger I always feel like my personality flips 180 and I only give out the most NPC replies possible. Imagining myself talking to a woman I am interested in is enough to make me cringe myself to death. Imagining approaching one in the first place has the same act of repulsion on me as imagining murdering a person.

I am slowly coming to realize there is a huge chance I am dying alone. But I can't wrap my head around it. I feel like I'm disappointing my parents and most importantly myself. I have so much love to give but no one to give it to. I'm coping by saying that some people die of cancer at 10 years old, some get their limbs torn off, some get an incurable crippling illness and some are just destined to die alone. Maybe that's just how it is.. but it's still not enough to accept the situation. I'm bombarded left and right by images of people in love and it's enough to ruin my day. I'm actively avoiding going outside so that I stop getting reminded I am incomplete. I can never see myself as a sexual creature that's supposed to act on those sexual instincts and pursue women. My brain rejects me before I can even get rejected by said women. The only thought I have in my head is "why the hell would she be into you".

I don't see myself as a man, I only exist as a reminder to others of what not to do. I can't wait to become the guy in his forties telling younger people to not be like me. I'm not going to kill myself even though I am slowly giving up because I would never hurt my mother like that but it's getting too much. I don't even want to let her into how I think, she'd be heart broken and unable to help me anyway. When I'm feeling down, I simply mask it as rage and rudeness so that I fend her off me even though I am this close to letting out all of it.

Even if by some miracle I were to be in a relationship, I'd be her 100th while she'd be my first, making me the weak one, the one who's giving out more, the one who needs more. She'd simply leave after a while.

EDIT: Thanks for the support and advice, everyone. I will try consulting a professional even though I doubt the efficiency of those in my 3rd world country. As for the last paragraph, I'm not blaming women or calling them promiscuous, I'm saying for a guy in his mid to late twenties, my dating pool is going to be women in their mid to late twenties and it's unfair to demand them to be inexperienced just like me because that's unrealistic. I'm also voicing my fear of getting dumped down the line because of my inexperience becoming a burden to them. I do go to the gym and take care of myself and I get called good looking by my friends (not sure of the validity of that). And my hobbies are the gym, cooking, guitar and drawing. But those are obviously not of the social kind.