It's been 6 months since my dad died

6 months in a world without my dad. I miss him so, so much. I wish I could tell him how much I love him. How much I appreciate and recognize everything he has done for me. Tonight is one of those nights that I feel the grief so violently. Like it happened all over again. Nothing particular set it off. But as the memories of him started flowing in my mind I felt the fact that he is dead hit me like a brick. Sometimes my subconscious tricks me into thinking he's still out there alive somewhere. Because that is easier to bare than the truth. I think it's my way of coping. So the grief doesn't consume me. The smell on his clothes has faded. I know I'll never get to smell him again. I miss it. It was almost like he was still here. But now that's gone too. I guess this post doesn't have a point. I'm just expressing my feeling as I cry alone. I miss you, dad.