A Harmless fart and Police Intervention

Context: I live in a super small town (less than 2,000), and know all but one police officer on a somewhat personal level including the dispatcher and admin staff. I’m not going into any crazy details or self-doxxing. But I had the cops called to my store over a fart joke and it was kinda unhinged tbh.

I sharted while checking out some old lady and she started throwing a fit while there was a line, I didn’t laugh and the other people held their ground quite well, but then said she should charge me for assault and it went downhill from there.

People started laughing and getting loud.

Then this meth-head regular I see quite often made the most realistic fart sound with his mouth and armpit (what it looked like anyways) and asked the lady “how’d you like that one? She sting a little?” And she called the cops and reported an assault before even finishing checking out.

I’ve never had to provide video evidence that neither a junkie nor I chemically assaulted someone in my life, and never thought I’d have too. Idk what else to say it just crazy retarded this even happened.

Im having like an existential crisis rn, is this even real life? Do I just quit? If not, how do I just show up and work again like nothing happened???