I need help.

This is very out of character for me to go on a online website and ask strangers for help or encouragement but I'm at the end of myself. I hope in some way out of me stepping out in a very strange to me way, just maybe I'll find some encouragement to not give up this fight. 32 years old. I'm struggling with porn and I feel it's the last thing that has a death grip on me and I can't shake it no matter how hard I try. I've struggled with this like many since I was a young teen. It's never been extreme to where I do it all day or anything like that. Sometimes I'll do a stretch of once a day but usually It's every few days or so I do it once and of course as soon as it's over I feel defeated and hopeless. This conviction has grown stronger since the day I have drawn closer to God a few years ago. The only thing I have not tried is an accountability partner and I'm just to embarrassed to ask anyone I know or don't know even though I know many struggle with this sin, I still can't bring myself to ask. From doing some study I've come to the conclusion it's when we bring sin to the light is how darkness can be defeated. Maybe this isn't important but i feel the need to give a little back story on my past and where I find myself at this very moment in my life. I was brought up in the faith but ran from it my whole life until tragedy hit a few years ago. I enjoyed the many pleasures the world had to offer. By God's grace alone, I worked hard in my 20s and bought my first house at 25 years old. Married my wife at 26 years old. We met when we were teenagers.  I am the 2nd youngest of 7 kids. Long story short.  In the past few years, I lost one of my older brothers to fentanyl (33 with a wife and 4 kids). At 28, I left a job of 10 years to go into business with one of my other older brothers who struggled with this same addiction as well. Watched him overdose 3 times and brought back to life. Needless to say, I had to shut down the business and had to let that brother go because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help him. He had to choose that and he didn't want it. By 31 my little brother who has down syndrome was suffering with stage 5 kidney failure. He was in need of a kidney badly and my whole family was struggling with watching him suffer. The world around me was falling apart and I couldn't take one more thing happening in my life. Shortly after my little brother's diagnosis, my wife who didn't know how to handle all this trauma I was experiencing, and neither did I if I'm being honest. She just walked out on me. It was painful and shocking but after some time to reflect it made sense why we were in this situation. I figured us being seperated temporarily was probably for the best and hopefully I can work on myself and she can do the same and come back together stronger than before. Even longer story short. 7 months later of separation and going to therapy, I find out she has been having an affair with a co worker. A man I actually was doing business with as well, so I knew him. That's why she walked out on me..Devastating. Me being consumed with all this trauma I didn't realize my wife has been checked out and betraying me the entire time not long after my brother passed. To top it all off, my dad just passed away a month ago in a very difficult and suffering way with cancer through his entire body. Here I am 32 years old. About to lose my home(were both walking away with a decent amount of money but I could careless at this point). Losing my wife who I've been with for 13 years who I loved and trusted more than anyone, and now alone and not a clue where im going in life. It gets so bad inside my head sometimes I think of taking my life but honestly I fear God way to much to go through with it. All I want is to be free from this sexual sin, get through the divorce a month from now so I can let her go and she can go be with the AP, and just let God have his way in my life..not my will but his..I'm so tired and just want peace again. His peace to take the place of this pain. I hope some day I can still have a family of my own. Love and cherish a real woman of God and feel joy again. I don't know. Hopefully I don't sound like a big pitty party because honestly im not one to look for attention. Maybe this was dumb to go on here and do this but I'll post it anyway. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this. God bless.