The fear of past experiences is so unfair

What should be the joy of getting a positive pregnancy test is actually a spiral of anxiety, fear, and the unknown. I remember the first time I got a positive test last year, the overwhelming feelings of excitement were uncontainable. Thinking of baby names, wondering what the gender might be, preparing to meet the perfect mix of you and the love of your life.

After two losses, this new BFP is scary. And it is so unfair that I have no choice but to feel this way. And while I know that there is nothing that I can do to change the outcome of what that first ultrasound will show, I just wish I had something to hold onto without giving myself false hope.

No one should have to prepare themselves to face another loss, but here I am. My family is even scared to get too excited and I’m mourning what should be excitement from them too.

I’d love to think the third time is a charm, but I know reality. I know there are so many out there that have lost a lot more than that and it’s devastating.

While I am so blessed to even have the opportunity to have another try at a healthy pregnancy, I am just filled with so much uncertainty and I don’t know how to get past it.