I feel like the pain will never end

How awful it is to yearn for someone you know is bad for you. To know that, even if they did come back, they wouldn’t change - so you’ll be miserable either way. I know they had issues. I know it wasn’t healthy near the end. I know they were doing me a “favor” when they ended it. That’s why, despite how much I’ve wanted to since, I still haven’t broken no-contact. But God, dude. Despite all that, I just feel dead inside. It feels like my world has stopped and everything is black and white. Despite all I’ve done to grow each day since, by nightfall it feels like a pathetic imitation.

Reading phrases here like “someone better,” or even the suggestion of moving on, makes me want to die. Because all I want is the person they were…and that person is gone. So there’s nothing out there for me anymore. I don’t even want there to be.

It’s been almost 10 months. I know it’s over. I know they apparently weren’t “my person.” I know I’m better off. But here I am, longing all the same. Wishing, praying, and waiting for that one text to say it wasn’t all for nothing.

I really think I’m going to miss them until the day I die.