CW: Kidnapping and Sexual Assault

Mood Spoiler: Infuriating but OOP is doing better

I am not the OOP, that is u/Cautious_Rabbit who posted on r/TrueOffMyChest and her own account. The new update is at the bottom.

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Original- My (23F) bf’s (26M) friends pretending to kidnap me for a proposal (April 21st, 2023)

I am trembling and just created this alt account because my main has a lot of details about me that would make it easy to trace back.

A week ago my bf told me he had a camping trip planned with his friends on Friday(today). He said he would have no service and he’ll see me on Sunday. He messaged me at 5am this morning and told me they are hitting the road. Around 8 I went for a run like I usually do on Fridays. I have one headphone in while I do because I was on a work call.

While I was running, I noticed a SUV that kept popping up. In hindsight, it looked just my like bf’s childhood friend’s car. I sent a message to my sister saying to standby & shared my location.

Right after sending the message I looked up and the SUV was right beside me and someone jumped out and grabbed me. It happened so fast I even dropped my phone on the pavement. I was pulled into this car and I could tell there was at least 2 masked guys in the back before they covered my eyes. In hindsight they had cartoonish ski masks and black gloves on.

I freaked out and resisted like crazy, screaming and kicking. All I could hear was these guys laughing and I could feel one of them holding me down by my arms behind me and the other was holding my legs down at the knees. I don’t know how long I was in there but I keep begging them to let me go and crying. I even admit I peed on myself, but I don’t think they noticed until we arrived at the house. They pulled me out of the car and I was screaming for help until I was pulled into a house.

When the mask on my head was removed, I was on my knees in front of my bf of 2 years. He was staring at me with a confused look before he started to angrily ask his friends what was going on.

As I started to adjust to what was going on I realized he was dressed nice and there was romantic decorations around the entry way to his house. I realized who he was and what was going on and collapsed into sobs. I probably had a 5 minute panic attack in that car on my way there and another one sitting in the entryway to his house. I was sweaty, wearing soiled yoga pants, flushed with fear, scared for my life.

That was all about an hour or 2 ago. My bf took me upstairs and was going to help me get showered and changed but I wanted to do that alone. I heard yelling and commotion downstairs while I showered, but I don’t know what is going on. I’m sitting in his room now holding my shattered phone after crying to my sister about what happened. She lives 1.5 hours away but is speeding over to get me now.

I can’t stop thinking about what happened and even though I know now I was never in any danger, I don’t think my brain can comprehend it. They were snickering and teasing me in deepened voices about what they were going to do to me. The one that was holding my legs down kept caressing my thighs up and down into the inner area. When the car would brake his face kept falling into my chest. I don’t even know who that was. I just know one of them sounded unsure and kept trying to diffuse the situation, but I think it was the driver.

Edit: My sister arrived. She wants to take me to the police station, now. I haven’t spoken to my bf yet, but I think there’s more to this story than he knew about. I’ll have to log off for a while. Thank you for the support in the comments.

Edit 2: I’m working with police now. This is going to be investigated as a false imprisonment if I press charges. My sense of time was so warped. From where I was picked up to his house was about 7 or 10 minutes in the car. It felt like way longer than that. As for the friends, the driver was his childhood best friend who I actually get along with well. He was in tears when he voluntarily arrived at the police station for a statement. The other two were friends from his athletics class that he started attending a few months ago. It seems like the two guys I didn’t know wanted in on what otherwise was supposed to be something more innocent.

The original plan was for them to pop out of this car in their funny kidnapping attire and hand me a letter that explained I was being summoned by bf and resistance is futile. Seems like the plan changed as the 2 new friends wanted to shake me up a bit more and make it feel more real.

Edit 3: I’ve had time to calm down and long talks with my sister. We are going to meet up with my (ex?) bf for dinner tonight. He has been respectful of my requests for space but has been emotional whenever he thinks about what I went through this morning. His best friend contacted me repeatedly apologizing for allowing it to get that far, but I asked for him to stop and he did. The best friend’s fiancé reached out and has been supportive and apologetic, too. I’m astounded at the support I’ve received here and wish I could thank each of you individually. I’ve never had anyone other than my sister and bf care for my mental well-being like this. Reddit is a very kind place sometimes :)

Edit 4: back after a few weeks! I’m okay, and I can’t share much due to lawyer’s advice. Check my latest

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(Relevant Comments)

On People Discussing Whether The BF Was Involved

OP: I agree with both of you. Sorry I’m in and out right now. My sister is almost here and my bf wants to talk, but I asked for space so he’s making tea and waiting for me to open the door or come downstairs.

I don’t think he knew how they were going to do it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he used the words kidnap and they took it too far. He’s never given a red flag before, but if his friends are crazy like this I need to reevaluate him too. I’m not sure and I don’t want to immediately talk to him. I think I’m feeling traumatized or something because I just can’t physically talk to anyone except my sister

On If OP's BF Is From A Culture Where Something Like This Is More Common:

OP: No he’s ethnically from the Middle East and I am from Eastern Europe (very similar backgrounds actually). We both were born and raised in America. We are both culturally and socially very western/American

A Commenter Asks If OOP Could Possibly Stay With Her Sister And Get Some Space from BF

OP: I don’t live with my boyfriend so either I will stay with my sister a city away or she will stay with me tonight

A lot of comments are people showing support to OOP and validating that this is trauma. A few a questioning how involved the BF is in all of this.

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Update (May 8th, 2023)

Hello!

I apologize for going MIA. I saw my story posted on r/bestofredditorupdates so I finally logged back in! I have a lot I wish I could tell you all, but unfortunately due to legal consultation, it’s best I keep a lot of it private.

In short, I’m healing. My now fiancé had a private proposal with me last week. We had many tough conversations and his responses to everything reminded me how safe and loved I am by him.

He didn’t ask for or endorse that type of plan. I’ve learned that the 2 friends whom I didn’t know were highly influenced by YouTube pranksters and social experiment channels. Also, one of them let us know he is on the spectrum and apologized for his part.

I think that’s all I can share for now. I am only consulting right now and may not press charges.

Thank you so much for all the kindness and support. Opening my inbox today warmed my heart incredibly!

Edit:

There are a lot of people who disagree with me staying with my fiancé. I’m sorry I couldn’t explain in detail how confident I am in him throughout this. Please read carefully before passing judgements and I’m sorry I couldn’t please everyone with my decisions. But after further response I think pressing charges is the best course of action. Maybe I’m a bit too tender hearted but I didn’t want the former best friend to get some flack too. But it seems he has to.

NEW UPDATE (December 30th, 2024)

Hello concerned friends. I’m not sure if anyone still remembers me, but I wanted to give a final update as I close out this year. 2024 was crazy for me. I spent the entire year working on myself in therapy. I developed an obvious trauma response to being in public especially when men would be “sneaking up” behind me or quickly exiting cars near me, but I also developed a fear that made life tough.

I became very afraid of my fiancé’s friends. I love and trust my friends and family with all of my being, but I found that I couldn’t trust anyone who brought into our life because of a feeling of a loss of control. Sorry this is a bit incoherent, I’m not really sure of how I feel myself. But the point is, if I haven’t vetted and learned to trust people, I struggle allowing them into my life.

I decided to end things with my ex fiance. It was tough and took months to do, but I feel better for it. He is a great man, but there were behaviors from him and his friends before, during, and after the incident that gave me pause. The doubt and mental anguish was too much and I just had to run away from it all.

Shockingly to me (but not my therapist) I feel immensely better now. It’s almost like a switch went off and being away from him has expedited my healing so much. I’m scared being at my age and starting over, but I’d rather not be married at all than live in stress like I was.

Happy new year everyone!

(Also update on the legal side, the charges were dropped and I was not mentally able to pursue anything further. I will say the lives of his friends have been stained and I don’t care to check the extent. I just know there was a breakup and one was kicked out of their living situation over it all.)