Letting go feels impossible

Dear People,

Writing a post wasn’t really something i thought i would do. But now i am here, lost, and desperate, which i don’t like to admit. (Im Dutch so pardon me for grammar mistakes).

Two years ago i met this girl in my high school class, she had a really trustable vibe, and i felt emotions instantly, not love or something but more excitement. After talking to here three times, i felt attracted. I wasn’t scared talking to girls, and i like to have fun in that time of my life.

So i decided to test her, and this is where the first things felt odd. She wasn’t really reacting to me when i touched her politely but flirtatious, it was kinda emotionless. I said her goodbye after a talk and she just drove off on her scooter.

The next day she was sitting next to me in class and we continued our talks about love, how tough and mysterious it can be, and we agreed on a lot of things. We made the same walk to our scooters and felt i wanted to kiss her, i did and the kiss was magical. After that the relationship went very fast.

I read a lot about the honeymoon phase, and i sure felt it. I train martial arts en she surprised me with massages and meal that she made. I felt happy, i never felt happy before and after the relationship. There were some red flags id ignored (dont ask me why). Like she didn’t remembered past relationships. She had 2 before, both 10 months and she saw her boyfriends only 4/5 times in that timespan. She had attachment issues which i had too, and I felt safe with her. We shared all our fears in feelings, and I remember one time laying together on the couch: “ either she is the one or she gonna mess me up real bad”. I don’t where the thought came from, maybe a shot of intuition its hard to say.

6 Beautiful months went by and all of a sudden I received a text: we need to talk. I immediately felt a gut punch, and the trauma began. She dumped me trough a text message, all out of a sudden. Still feels unbelievable. The reason? I didn’t feel right for her to move on. And my mind still couldn’t grasp it. I am codependent and i chased her immediately, why? What happened? I love your were some things i said. She started ignoring me, and i had to share 2 months of class with her, which was really tough. She just ran away from me when I approached her softly to talk. She would block me and said to me i had to let go. One month later she was back with her ex. I felt devastated, she became more cruel: piss of, I dont care about you anymore.

My mind cannot grasp it. From love of my life to insanely cold witch in just a matter of moments????

If you read it this far, I appreciate it. And more importantly for now: how do your process this shit. It has been two years now and i am still really hurt.

Edit = High School > College*