Why can't I sleep next to people? Specifically partners?

EDIT For the sake of data analysis; I'm also really interested to see a comment from every autistic who /doesn't/ experience this. That'll give us an idea of whether this is specifically a neurodivergent difference or more of a common human difference

There's possibly a lot of nuance to this. Feel free to share your take as well

I sleep great alone. I love it. I stim freely without even noticing it. I intuitively wrap myself up into a perfectly cosy pretzel. It's great.

But as soon as a partner is beside me, I cannot switch off my awareness mentally or physically. I can't get myself to stim & sooth authentically and freely - maybe I can work on that with persostace and practice. I just like awake, fitful, self-conscious and unable to feel "allowed" to move and readjust all night. I overheat like crazy, sweat until the beds drenched and end up feeling cranky, angry, repressed, disconnected and even a little resentful.

However, once in a blue moon, the perfect circumstances of connection and comfort with my partner line up where I'm totally comfortable and intoxicated by the oxytocin of their physical touch and in that case, I'll fall asleep in their arms - clutching them all night.

I also noticed similar relief and comfort during the one time that their toddler decided to sleep next to me. Something about the totally innocent, pure and honest connection one can share with children seemed to communicate safety to me.

Anyway, although my partner is understanding, this still really bothers me. I've experienced it with all partners. And I haven't found my way. It doesn't help that I'm not completely self-accepting of my autism diagnoses. And I've noticed that as a "level 1", its common for society to kind of /take it or leave it/ if you know what I mean? Like, "yeah we can all kind of relate to that" sort of thing.

I'd just love to see some growth, unmasking and freedom in this aspect. I notice that it plants personal seeds of doubt and disconnection around how I view my relationship.

Big ol siiiiggghhhh I'd appreciate hearing of your experience and especially of specific progress + success stories

Thanks x

EDIT I forgot to mention that when I'm around my partner in evenings or bed, I uncontrollably twitch as if I'm being electrically zapped. It's really quite uncomfortable and stressful. The twitch/zap is accompanied by a surge of panic -anyone else?