Emotions over not having a family of my own - does it get easier?

I’d say about 90 to 95% of the time I am OK with the fact that I am 40 and never married and no kids. I had a couple long-term relationships and in one of them we stopped trying to prevent children, but we also didn’t really have sex very much so Nothing ever happened there.

I’ve also been kind of on the fence about kids for most of my life. I would have the random moments of really wanting them every once in a while when I would see a cute baby out and about, but I never felt like the urge was enough to Really prioritize it or take steps like freezing my eggs.

I’m dating somebody new though and he has a kid. Super sweet little boy. And then yesterday for Christmas we spent some time with friends of his that have a six-year-old and a one-year-old. Watching my boyfriend play with the baby and just watching the sweet family celebrate the holiday together just gave me this ache in my heart And this feeling that I really missed out.

My boyfriend is really sweet about everything. He doesn’t want more kids and I’m not interested in being a single parent or starting to have babies after 40. But I can’t deny the sadness that creeps in when I’m in these situations with kids… which is now happening more and more because of my boyfriend and the people in his life. Up to this point, my interaction with kids was very limited and rare.

My boyfriend always tells me that in the future, we could get a dog and that as our relationship progresses, I’ll become more a part of his family and spending time with nieces and nephews can be really rewarding (his sister is working on baby #1).

I guess the question I have is Will this get easier? The feelings may always be there and I may always be a little bit sad but will I eventually feel these things as more of a background versus having them be so all encompassing?