What to do about friend with benefits
I (M37) divorced have been seeing a (F35)woman casually for over a year now. I'll call her Becca. We met at work and started sleeping together a few times a week.
My divorce was about 4 years ago and it emotionally shattered me. My life spiraled out of control and it took me years to land on my feet. I finally got a stable job and housing situation and those areas of my life sort of came together well enough for me.
The problem is that I am completely emotionally dead inside when it comes to love or romance. I just don't feel like those feelings are accessible to me at all anymore.
When Becca and I started hooking up I made it completely clear I didn't want to have any relationship outside.of friendship. That if we had sex which she seems to really enjoy that would be as far as things go for me.
Fast forward to now and I feel like she wants more from me, and is subtly trying to push for these things which I don't want. Part of it is that I don't feel capable of being the thing she thinks she wants, and partly because I don't find her attractive enough to fully commit to.
I feel like a real peice of shit typing this but even though the sex is good I just don't have the feelings for her I'm sensing she has for me.
The last time I saw her she decided she was sleeping over my house even though she didn't ask and I don't like sharing my bed with anyone but my dog these days. Her staying the night without asking was irritating to me because I had work in the morning very early and it messed with my sleep.
She mentioned that she told her parents about us and they were excited for her. I've met her kids who think I'm her boyfriend even though I've made it clear that is not how I view things. This morning she casually texted me that she hasn't received flowers in a while.
The sex is good, and we live in a very small town where it's hard to meet people but I'm worried that the longer I allow this to go on the worse it's going to be for her when it ends.
Do I need to break things off? Should I sit down with her and try to reinforce that all I'm looking for is sex and friendship, and that we don't have a future beyond that?
Ultimately I'd love to meet a girl that wants to settle down and have a family but I don't see her as being that person. What should I do internet? I feel like I'll hurt her if I totally break things off, but I feel like I'll hurt her even worse if I keep stringing things along.
Perhaps I'll just go celebrate it dunno.
Any help or thoughts appreciated.