I hate being 15

I hate being fifteen, i'm a freshman in high school. i'm worried about my grandma because she's getting older, this is my first year of going to public school (i only take one class), people keep commenting on my weight and what/how much I eat, I don't feel pretty without makeup, I haven't kissed anyone yet, and everything sucks.

I hate being home schooled. I love that I get my own education at my own pace, yes, but I always feel socially retarded. we live in a small town so everybody knows everybody but I feel like an outsider. every time we have an away game for sports I sit by myself on the bus. people turn themselves facing away from me when we're in groups. I don't know how to start conversations. I'm not popular and my best friend lives 7 hours away so I don't have anyone to go talk to in the halls instead. I go into my class and study and I feel like a loser. I have one friend group at church with about 6 people but we ALL go to different schools.

I'm touch starved. I want to be held and I want my hair played with. I've never kissed anyone, I've never romantically held hands with anyone, and it feels like everyone else has and i'm sick of this crap. yes, boys have liked me, but they are always immature or just not my type. i've been rejected so many times and it's like, am I the problem? and I really that unattractive? everyone my age boys and girls brag about how they've all given kisses or had a boyfriend and for some reason here lately people keep asking me if I've kissed anyone and it's embarrassing as fuck to tell them I haven't.

I don't eat a lot of food because people always comment on my weight and how much I eat. I'm 5'7 and 150 lbs so I feel like I can lose weight but I have gradually stopped eating breakfast and lunch and on the occasion will I eat one let alone both. I usually just eat a big ish supper and then that's all.

I hate being fifteen