I’ve never been attracted to my girlfriend

I’m ashamed to admit but I (35 M) have never been attracted to my girlfriend of two years (27F). I met her on Hinge and she looked pretty much exactly like her profile photos in person, so that wasn’t the issue.

Let me preface by saying she’s a wonderful person. I have a felony and she willingly accepted me despite my past, which does make it difficult for me to date. She cooks, cleans for me, gives me massages and is willingly open to sex. She’s also independent and driven, and very funny. On paper she could be described as a perfect girlfriend.

Now onto the problems: her looks.

Soon after meeting her, I soon realized that she is not my physical type almost at all (despite her blonde hair.) I typically go for pretty thin women with small breasts and soft feminine features. My girlfriend isn’t obese, but she could definitely stand to lose a few. She has large breasts and she carries her weight horribly. I find myself fantasizing about women with flat stomachs and small perky boobs, and the fantasy breaks to pieces when I see my girlfriend who carries most of her pudge in her midsection, and in her boobs which sag because they’re natural double D’s.

The worst part of all this is I’ve noticed how it’s affected her self esteem. She constantly asks me if I find her attractive, and why I don’t. I try to assure her that I do find her to have a very attractive personality, and that she’s beautiful on the inside, but it would be hard to lie to her and tell her I that I find her beautiful.

This has ultimately resulted in us not having sex for months at a time, because I constantly feel like I need to reject her. I feel terrible about this, but her body naked has started to repulse me. It’s not that she’s even gained weight or changed throughout our relationship, it’s just that she’s not my typical type. I find myself wishing she looked like my exes who were small and feminine, looking younger than they actually were. My girlfriend has that thick type of “mom” body that I’m just not into.

On top of all this, her period has started again this week, which tends to make everything worse. We don’t live together but she’s asked to stay at my house because she likes to be comforted while she’s in pain. As much as I would like to do this, the symptoms of her bleeding on top of her unattractive physical appearance make me cringe. And I hate admitting that.

The thought of her having a period while she’s sleeps in bed next to me, even though she wears the appropriate protection, is gross to me. The sight of her sagging breasts that she complains about being sore grosses me out. I’m so ashamed because no man should be feeling this way about the woman he loves.

What should I do? I can’t stand any more of her questions asking if I’m attracted to her, it’s almost annoying to me at this point. And I’m sorry if that makes me sound like an ass but that’s the truth. I know she deserves better, but I truly do love her as a person and I don’t wanna lose that.

Also the fact that I have a felony with a checkered past makes me feel like I probably can’t do better and get my dream woman anyways.