Down Bad for Caleb
Listen, LISTEN I have been rooting for mr C since day one. Still I cannot deny that I am but a mere mortal and after FINALLY catching up on the two-part winter special I can only say that in my head me and caleb are already married with three kids and a dog. Deepest apologies to jacob but the golden retriever / himbo type is my absolute weakness and this BALL OF SUNSHINE stole my heart and hid it in the snow under melissa's two turkeys.
To begin with I was FULLY invested for jacob and caleb to make up during their fight, the writing was nuanced and convincing and by the end of the episode I really just went "aww, realistic but healthy sibling conflicts with a happy resolution! plus they actually do look kind of alike, kudos to the casting team!" and thought nothing more of it before hopping onto the next episode.
Reader, now you understand my fatal flaw. I lowered my guard and was therefore completely blindsided when he showed his stupid adorable face in ms schemmenti's kitchen trying to proudly pass minced carrots for julienned. Chat, by the end of that second episode I knew I was cooked harder than janine's burnt christmas cookies. I couldn't for the life of me remember the name of the school these teachers work at. I was just kicking my feet and giggling over the way he stood up for jacob against uncle bigot, his hilariously exaggerated reactions to melissa's cooking, and that bizarre tiktok-ified dudebro slang that I now desperately needed to hear him create nicknames for me with.
Yes, yes, the bar is below the ground, boo tomato idc tear me apart. I don't know-no-nona. All I know that I need this man biblically, and I WILL in fact die on this Hill.
