I did it again, I have disappointed everyone AGAIN!!!!

I messed up my first semester as a grad student I might get a D in one of the courses now, I’ll be put on academic probation, I won’t get any research assistant position in future. I did not contribute anything to the group project and my teammates just removed me from the group.

I used to be so good academically, always in top 5-10 percentile of the class, I messed up my undergrad now I messed up my grad degree as well, I procrastinated, had 0 motivation to do anything. I cannot live with ADHD anymore, honestly it’s eating me from within, I keep on letting others down. This is the first time my friend who was there with me throughout my mess ups looked me in the eye with pity and disappointment, he couldn’t believe that I could mess up this bad.

I honestly don’t know what’s going on with life and I have no idea what to do further.