I want to have sex and masterbait

I want to have her stroke me and watch the skin glide, the veins pop, the shaft swelling, hardening, reddening as the blood rushes in, I want her to feel it spasm in her hand then in her pussy, then cum inside her, on her. I want her to have a visual and physical evidence of how much I want her, how much I love her. I want to give her good, erotic sex, and I want to be enjoying it too. I want her to bear me children, I want to be her protector, make her feel small and safe.

But I can't. I can't even make friends, much less get in a relationship, much less provide the pre requisite sex that comes with one.

Being alone is not so bad. Atleast no one can hurt me, I will die never knowing the pain of betrayal, rejection, the pain of not being enough.

Sometimes I watch porn, It makes me cry, pure ropefuel. I don't like watching other people do anything, It makes me suicidal, partially because its gross, feels like I'm cheating on someone who doesn't exist, partially from envy. I can't even self pleasure myself.

Maybe in a few centuries we will be able to grow organs in labs, maybe men like me wouldn't have to suffer like I had.

God kill me please kill me I can't take waking up to this hell anymore.